Tampa News Force
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
A new law handed down from the Florida State legislature makes it illegal to discuss anything ‘gay’ during a school shooting. “Those last few precious moments in a child’s life before they’re gunned down in a classroom should be spent apologizing to God or begging for mercy or regretting that your teacher isn’t armed, not…
At a press conference earlier today in Nassau County where Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spoke about his ongoing plans for infrastructure improvements around the state, one man in attendance felt unsafe wearing a face mask. “I wanted to put it on, just to be careful because it was fairly crowded in there. I figured, ‘what’s…
Rich Strikeforce of Tampa is returning to work in his office at Systematic Business Systems Inc. in downtown Tampa for the first time in over two years and is really sad about no longer working from home. “This sucks. I don’t mean having to go back to the office, per se; I don’t mind working…
The worlds most powerful, secret society has begun accepting open applications from anyone in the world who would like to elevate themselves into the uber elite. The statement, which was sent out to every inbox on earth, states “if you have some sort of extreme important value which you believe entitles you to live like…
Valerie Equivocada of Clearwater is fairly certain that a guy who lives in her apartment building was the star of a video that went viral a long time ago. “OMG, look who it is!” she texted to a friend along with a photo she took without permission of Paul Fwipple doing his laundry. “Remember him…
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is experiencing anxiety in anticipation of the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, which takes place on June 19th and commemorates the anniversary date of the June 19, 1865, announcement of General Order No. 3 by Union Army general Gordon Granger, proclaiming freedom for enslaved people in Texas “This one is tricky,” he said. “How do…
A family from Brandon is very upset that they’re not being allowed to attend the raunchiest, late night drag shows in the Tampa Bay Area. “This has got to be a violation of our rights or something,” said Mike Turd, the family’s patriarch. “Yes, that’s correct; our last name is Turd, which is totally a…
As the nationwide shortage of baby formula continues to be a crisis, babies in the Tampa Bay Area are taking things into their own hands and mouths. 8-month-old Joshua Butterpenny of Tampa recently said, “Goo goo ga ga. Gleep (fart),” which translates in Adult-with-fully-formed-brain English to “We’re hungry and if you’re not going to take…
A Tampa prostitute named Merth has won TIME magazine’s Person of the Year title, after a unique story which has led to Tampa becoming one of the most popular places in the country. Her story began at the Sunoco gas station on the corner of Columbus and Nebraska Ave. “A man in a pick up…
5 Rays players have quit after realizing that the word “Ray” rhymes with “gay.” Jason Wedlock, the 5th baseman and chosen speaker for the group claimed, “We never thought of it.” “As we were laughing about how dumb those rainbow Rays patches on the jerseys were, and how Jews killed our savior, we had a…