Tampa News Force
Toronto Raptors Unveil Tampa Raptors Jerseys, Drake Approves
During a joint press conference with the Tampa Bay Sports Commission, the Toronto Raptors management team, along with Toronto Rapper Drake, unveiled the temporary Tampa Bay Raptors jerseys for the 2021 NBA Season.“I am not a pedophile,” said Drake, unprompted, before the press conference began. He then signaled for his music to be played.Drake performed…
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Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
NFL Officially Designates New Position
After years of contributions from lovable big guys, the National Football League (NFL) has designated Lovable Big Guy (LGB) an official position effective immediately. A template perfected by William “Refrigerator” Perry of the Chicago Bears in 1985 of oversized defensive linemen being used in certain offensive situations has been adapted by various teams over the…
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
A newly hired food delivery person is expected to be fired by DoorDash due to an alarming number of complaints received in less than a week. “They’re all bad. Every single review,” said the algorithm that tracks performance for the San Francisco-based food ordering and delivery platform. “The majority of our Dashers do a great…
Ever since Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars a couple of weeks ago, many people are very concerned that something similar could happen to them. Is this a realistic threat? Is it something we should be worried about at any level? Will the jokes about this incident EVER end? Take our quiz and…
In an effort to combat high rent prices, an apartment complex in Tampa is currently hiring and accepting tenants for the first-of-its-kind work from home apartment community. “We want to make sure that people working in Florida have a place to live,” said the community manager of the Walmart Warehouse Townhomes, Mig Chaloot. “Our Walmarts…
Dennis Smeeks, a 7′ tall homeless man currently in Tampa, is not being accepted by local panhandlers due to his height. “Dolph or Dirk or whatever his name needs to get the hell out of here and go back to the NBA where he belongs,” said veteran panhandler Johnny America. “He has no business out…
A new business venture is hoping to combine the thrill of hunting wildlife with the serenity of paddleboarding. Kill Paddle Kill is Florida’s first attraction of its kind. “We have too many things that need killing on the Hillsborough River,” said owner and manager of Kill Paddle Kill, Mike Openhager. “We were originally a paddleboarding…
With rent sky-high, more Tampa Bay residents than ever are looking to live landlord-free aboard an anchored sailboat. You can find many fixer-upper functioning sailboats for only a few thousand or even a few hundred dollars on craigslist. Tampa News Force’s most trustworthy local News-Talker Chris Coon opens up on his experience living aboard a…
Dear Mr. Elon Musk, Hi. How are you? We are Tampa News Force and we have been following recent news reports that you are interested in purchasing Twitter for $43,000,000,000.00. We think that’s a fantastic idea! The only thing better than being prolific on a popular social media platform is owning a popular social media…
Actor and conservative firebrand Dean Cain is in Dunedin to shoot a new film and local artists and other creative types could be more excited! “Hey, that’s great! A feature length film being shot right here in Dunedin!!” exclaimed painter Dorothy Hotstritch. “But it stars Dean Cain? Oh.” “Well, that’s still nice I guess.” The…
I-4, the heavily travelled interstate highway that spans just over 132 miles connecting Tampa, Orlando and Daytona Beach, has been declared by the State of Florida to be an obscenity, a class four expression of profanity. Recognizing that the highway, which has always been heavily congested in certain areas on certain days of the week,…
Dan Skippy of Tampa has learned some things he didn’t know, and didn’t want to know, as a result of joining a local fraternal organization. “I was just tired of all this anti-man rhetoric going around and the increased effort to feminize everything, so I was looking for a place where I could just hang…