Tampa News Force
Sports stuff happening somewhere in Florida
Not everyone is a die-hard sports fan or competition-crazed enthusiast. Nonetheless, it feels good to be up on the latest news events. That’s why I’m here to inform you that there has been word that sports stuff is going on… or it did go on recently. It’s been confirmed that something sports related is/was just…
Top Headlines
Breaking News
Governor’s Office Urges Citizens to Remain Calm as Gas Overage Persists
How are you dealing with all this excess gas lying around? ⛽️
DeSantis to Personally Investigate Latest Assassination Attempt on Trump
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis will be conducting his own investigation regarding the attempted assassination of former President Trump at the Republican presidential nominee’s golf club…
Sports
Yankees Fan Invited to Spring Training
When the defending American League But Not World Champion New York Yankees report to Tampa for spring training in February, they’ll be joined by self-appointed…
Cleaning Crews Still Removing Stink From Raymond James Stadium
Avoid the area for the next few days. ⚠️☣️☢️
Arts and Entertainment
Modern Day DaVinci Spends 16 Seconds On Portrait’s Smile
You have to admire the attention to detail! 🎨🖼️
Government
Florida Outlaws Ranting in Your Car Without Recording It and Putting It on the Internet
It’s about time the government got involved in this.
Local and Community
The vagina This is one of the best places you can have sex in Tampa. Vaginas were meant for sex and reproduction, so when it comes to traditional-style sex, this is going to be your go to. Butthole It’s close to the vagina, and from what I’ve been told, it’s just as tight, if not…
In an effort to balance the population throughout the state of Florida, the Ybor City chamber of commerce has announced a drag queen exchange program. “As of the last survey, we found we have lots of drag queens,” says Mark Homphler, director of Ybor’s Department of Poorly Managed Statistics. “Wait; we have a whole bunch…
After his public shaming and firing from his future job, Tampa News Force acquired Shane Gillis as a full time writer. “It’s an honor to get the gig.” Gillis said. “I worked with one of the TNF co-founders a month ago at a comedy club in Tampa. I knew I was a perfect fit for…
After purchasing a majority of the property in Downtown Clearwater, the “church” of Scientology has taken over the local government and installed Tom Cruise as the permanent mayor of the city. “We love this part of Florida because it’s easy to kidnap people and force them to work for us in exchange for a place…
A man contacted the police after a cigar that he purchased from an Ybor cigar shop turned out to be a petrified piece of excrement. It was included in a pack of “Randos,” which are random leftover cigars packed together in a variety and sold for five dollars are Nathans Cigar Mart on 16th street.…
In an effort to control mosquito and lovebug populations, Tampa International Airport (TPA) has announced they have developed a new chemtrail formula that they hope will combat and eradicate the bugs once and for all. “Dozens of planes fly in and out of here every day,” said TPA spokesperson Wally Wingnut. “Our old chemtrail formula…
Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister announced the arrest of Joseph Lightfoot, a stay at home dad of triplets, for the destruction of state property. Lightfoot was seen returning a plasma cutter to the Home Depot rental center on North Dale Mabry Highway shortly after the traffic signal box at the corner of Mapledale Blvd and…
While attempting to drink at all 57 breweries located throughout the Hillsborough, Pasco, and Pinellas counties, Greg Cleveland died from alcohol poisoning at the 50th stop. “It was always his dream to drink at every brewery, all within one day.” Cried his best friend who actually completed the full 57 brewery tour. “I didn’t want…
As part of a new sub promotion by the Lakeland-based grocery chain, Publix has pledged to support every public school in Florida free lunch for the next two years. “We waste so much food every day at all of our grocery stores,” said Publix Director of Finances, Susie Jonas. “To detract people from dumpster diving,…
Come on out to the premiere of the critically acclaimed, Plane Train sequel, Steak Break! Experience the struggle of a performer trying to find his purpose in life. Followed by the taping of Dan Steen’s 30 minute comedy special. The movie is one hour long, and will feature surprises throughout the night. Tickets will be…