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Tampa News Force

DeSantis National Guard

Governor DeSantis sends National Guard to Gasparilla

By Luke McDermott | January 26, 2023

This morning, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis ordered The National Guard to the Gasparilla Festival in Tampa, citing that the foreign invaders pose a national security risk. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” DeSantis said while ordering the National Guard to dig a moat around the Governors Mansion. Although critics of the DeSantis Administration were quick to…

Breaking News

South Tampa woman gets service animal

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in…

Santos

TNF Investigative Report: The Santos Connection

Sometimes you don’t have to go very far to find a scandal. As more and more information comes out regarding Long Island (NY) Rep.-elect and…

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

By Clark Brooks | January 22, 2023

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……

Sports

Bucs win 2022 NFC South

Bucs are “champions” of the NFC South!

Following a 30-24 defeat of the Carolina Panthers today at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have won the NFC South Division…

BucsBrownFan

“Antonio Brown is a class act” claims Bucs fan who has never met Antonio Brown

Gary Sfingester of Clearwater, a self-described life-long die-hard Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan might possibly be the only such fan who still roots for former wide…

Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong

By Clark Brooks | January 16, 2023

Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers incorrect. The expensive and highly-scientific poll was conducted prior to the game by local TV station WFTS (Channel 28) which is located directly across Himes Avenue from Raymond James…

Arts and Entertainment

Voyage

Woman reads Voyage Tampa magazine, in spite of absence of anything to do with her

Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned…

Speak

6 Ways white people can get away with saying the N-word

Play a character Leonardo Dicaprio, Edward Norton, Daniel Radcliffe, and many more of our most beloved white actors have gotten away with saying the N-word…

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

By John Jacobs | January 21, 2023

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…

Government

February

DeSantis bans February

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me!…

TBARTA

Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits

By Clark Brooks | January 25, 2023

The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

Local and Community

Dunedin

Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing

Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,”…

Reader

Tampa man forgets how to read

Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud…

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

By Clark Brooks | January 24, 2023

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…

Tampa Chick-fil-A faces Caucasian backlash over new spicy chicken menu Items

By Tampa News Force | January 21, 2019

Wesley Chapel – Tampa – Monday, 1.21.2019 The backlash was instant, with some even calling for a boycott of the restaurant. Those speaking out against the newly released additions to the Chick-fil-A menu feel like it’s an assault on their taste buds. Caucasians around the bay area are now rallying against their once most beloved…

Local eatery caught serving cuban sandwiches made with human meat

By John Jacobs | January 20, 2019

Ybor City – Tampa – Sunday, 1.20.2019 In a disturbing twist of events, it’s been discovered that a local eatery in Ybor City has “accidentally” been serving cuban sandwiches made with human meat. “It’s a funny story,” says Red Crocker, line-cook for the business which prefers to remain unnamed. “We order all our meat from…

Arctic survival gear spotted as Bay Area temperatures turn cold-ish

By Clark Brooks | January 20, 2019

Downtown Tampa, Sunday, 1.20.2019 A cold front from Canada has rolled into the Tampa Bay area, something which happens every year and lasts for about nine days, causing temperatures to dip into the 50s. As a result, local residents have been spotted wearing extreme cold-weather gear appropriate for research expeditions to the polar ice caps.…

TAMPA NEWS FORCE – DUNEDIN INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL!

By Tampa News Force | January 19, 2019

Tampa News Force premiered Plane Train at the Dunedin International Film Festival! Check out our exclusive coverage and an interview with film star Lance Tafelski! Watch Plane Train here: https://youtu.be/GG8Y9Bo4BsI

Health Concerns Amidst Gov. Shutdown As Tampa Pro Moat Race Rapidly Approaches

By Ashley Dieudonne | January 19, 2019

Skate Park of Tampa – Tampa – Saturday, 1.19.2019 With less than two months until the world-renowned Tampa Pro brings the globe’s best skateboarding talent and highest Pabst Blue Ribbon consumption rates in America, concerns are beginning to surface over the safety of the most significant contest of the weekend – Moat Race. Every year,…

First ever combination strip club pawn shop set to open in Tampa

By John Jacobs | January 19, 2019

Dale Mabry – Tampa – Saturday, 1.19.2019 “Spunkies” will officially become the first strip club pawn-shop combination in Tampa history when it’s doors open for business next Monday. A common issue strip clubs face is when the patron runs out of money. So now, instead of them leaving, they can pawn off their valuables instantaneously…

Amid Shutdown, Hungry TSA Agents Confiscating Snacks, Drinks

By Liam C. Merio-Hull | January 18, 2019

Tampa International Airport – Tampa – Friday, 1.18.2019 With no end in sight to the record-breaking government shutdown, federal employees are expected to work without paychecks. This group of 800,000 workers includes TSA agents monitoring passengers at airports around the country. As the political standoff continues, TSA agents are reportedly supplementing food costs by targeting…

Man proposes to girlfriend through SunTrust lights only to get rejected

By John Jacobs | January 18, 2019

Downtown – Tampa – Friday, 1/18/19 On a Thursday night after a mediocre meal at a crowded pho boutique, Reggie got ready for the moment of his life. He had spent 20 grand to make sure that the lights at the top of the SunTrust building in downtown would read, “Will U Marry Me Larissa?”…

TAMPA NEWS FORCE – CITY HALL DECISIONS!

By Tampa News Force | January 17, 2019

Tampa News Force was on scene for the Architectural Review Commission at old City Hall in Downtown Tampa. Who’s buildings got approved? Find out here!

Additional hate groups apply for giant flag placement along I-75

By Clark Brooks | January 17, 2019

I-4 and I-75 – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 1.17.2019 The giant confederate flag that flies on the I-75 interstate highway near Brandon has been drawing attention for years, now it’s being noticed by hate groups who want their flags to get similar attention. “Them boys are doing fine work, but if people think they’re the…