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Tampa News Force

DeSantis National Guard

Governor DeSantis sends National Guard to Gasparilla

By Luke McDermott | January 26, 2023

This morning, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis ordered The National Guard to the Gasparilla Festival in Tampa, citing that the foreign invaders pose a national security risk. “We don’t negotiate with terrorists,” DeSantis said while ordering the National Guard to dig a moat around the Governors Mansion. Although critics of the DeSantis Administration were quick to…

Breaking News

South Tampa woman gets service animal

Bethany Britney of South Tampa is the new recipient of a service animal for day-to-day tasks, thanks to her father, a retired coal miner in…

Santos

TNF Investigative Report: The Santos Connection

Sometimes you don’t have to go very far to find a scandal. As more and more information comes out regarding Long Island (NY) Rep.-elect and…

Krystal

Fast food marquee is speechless

By Clark Brooks | January 22, 2023

The Krystal at 2625 West Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa is reacting to recent events with shocked silence from the hamburger restaurant’s marquee. “I mean, what can you say? What can anyone say?” said Krystal manager Culver McButterburger, referring to any number of existential horror stories taking place at every waking moment. “It’s all so… just……

Sports

Bucs win 2022 NFC South

Bucs are “champions” of the NFC South!

Following a 30-24 defeat of the Carolina Panthers today at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have won the NFC South Division…

BucsBrownFan

“Antonio Brown is a class act” claims Bucs fan who has never met Antonio Brown

Gary Sfingester of Clearwater, a self-described life-long die-hard Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan might possibly be the only such fan who still roots for former wide…

Football experts all somehow get predictions wrong

By Clark Brooks | January 16, 2023

Somehow, inexplicably, a group of football scientists all got their predictions regarding Monday night’s NFL playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers incorrect. The expensive and highly-scientific poll was conducted prior to the game by local TV station WFTS (Channel 28) which is located directly across Himes Avenue from Raymond James…

Arts and Entertainment

Voyage

Woman reads Voyage Tampa magazine, in spite of absence of anything to do with her

Diana Mauser of Tampa made a point of picking up and reading an entire issue of Voyage Tampa magazine, even though she is not mentioned…

Speak

6 Ways white people can get away with saying the N-word

Play a character Leonardo Dicaprio, Edward Norton, Daniel Radcliffe, and many more of our most beloved white actors have gotten away with saying the N-word…

Monster Truck

Woke liberal falls asleep at the wheel, kills 400

By John Jacobs | January 21, 2023

A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400. Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the…

Government

February

DeSantis bans February

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced early this morning that effective immediately the month of February is illegal throughout the state. “The month of January will…

Fugitive who destroyed US currency apprehended in Clearwater

Brad Rimshaw, 42 of Clearwater, a man who committed a federal crime 34 years ago surrendered peacefully to authorities yesterday. “Okay, okay, you got me!…

TBARTA

Agency you’ve probably never heard of that never did anything calls it quits

By Clark Brooks | January 25, 2023

The Tampa Bay Area Regional Transit Authority (TBARTA), the transit authority that oversees regional transportation needs in Hernando, Hillsborough, Manatee, Pasco and Pinellas counties has voted unanimously to dissolve the organization. “Fuck it,” said TBARTA Chairman Cliff Manuel Jr. “We out.” The agency, started by the state in 2007 but not having received funding from…

Local and Community

Dunedin

Dunedin bails on the whole ‘Scotland’ thing

Following a 4-1 vote by the Dunedin City Commission last night, the city has decided to discontinue their long association with Scotland. “That’s enough already,”…

Reader

Tampa man forgets how to read

Keith Stumpler of Tampa has forgotten how to read. “I was someplace and a show was on TV in the bar. It was too loud…

Grooming

St. Pete man glad that grooming is now frowned upon

By Clark Brooks | January 24, 2023

Rich Glombcroft of St. Petersburg is relieved that most people take a dim view of grooming now days. “I’ve been telling people for years that brushing your teeth, clipping your toenails and washing your hair as well as your whole body is not only a waste of time but a crime against nature,” said Glombcroft…

New postseason athletic banquet standards delay Bucs banquet

By Clark Brooks | January 17, 2019

One Buccaneer Place – Tampa – Thursday, 1.17.2019 Following Monday night’s reception for the national college football champion Clemson Tigers at the White House, which consisted of hamburgers from fast food chains McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King, caterers have been forced to temporarily postpone the Tampa Bay Buccaneers postseason banquet. “After the team went 5-11…

Hundreds line up for opening of Tampa’s first buttchugging coffee shop

By Josh Santos | January 16, 2019

Hyde Park – South Tampa – Wednesday, 1.16.2019 Hundreds of coffee aficionados traveled to South Tampa today for the grand opening of Tampa’s first buttchugging coffee shop, ‘Buddy Boofed’.  The small independent coffee shop is the first of its kind to offer the new, faster and more convenient way to get that morning cup of…

Tampa Bay Lightning to crank up Tesla coils

By John Jacobs | January 16, 2019

Amalie Arena – Tampa – Wednesday, 1.16.2019 In honor of the late Nikola Tesla, and in a synergy cross-promotion effort with the Elon Musk company “Tesla,” for one night only, Amalie Arena will crank up the intensity of the Tesla coils during the upcoming Lightning game against the Dallas Stars. “We’re excited!” Says Chelsea Molton,…

Tampa Convention Center to host HOM’OCON, largest panhandlers convention in Florida

By Josh Santos | January 15, 2019

Downtown Tampa – Tampa Convention Center – Tuesday, 1.15.2019 Tampa Convention Center is preparing for the sixth annual Homeless Organization Convention, (HOM’OCon.) a traveling panhandler gathering that brings together the best panhandlers from around the globe for three nights of workshops, networking events and presentations. The convention has in previous years attracted over tens of…

Drivers Education will officially be replaced with Concealed Carry permit classes and armed self defense classes in Tampa schools

By John Jacobs | January 14, 2019

Hillsborough County Commission – Tampa – Monday, 1.14.2019 The Superintendent of the Hillsborough County School system has announced via email, that starting next semester, Drivers Education will officially be replaced with Concealed Carry permit classes and armed self defense classes.  A security guard is waiting on scene. “To my understanding, they’re going to be replacing…

Downtown Tampa officially declared a “Ghost Town” by the National Ghost Society.

By John Jacobs | January 13, 2019

Downtown Tampa – Tampa – Sunday, 1.13.2019 The city of Tampa has been officially declared a “Ghost Town” by the National Ghost Society. “There’s many thriving businesses,” Says Jessica Spookington, head haunting expert with the NGS, “However if you go outside, look around, walk down the street, there’s nobody there. You can shout from the…

Hulk Hogan Sues PCSO for unauthorized use of “The Wolfpac”

By Clark Brooks | January 12, 2019

St. Petersburg – Saturday, 1.12.2019 Pinellas County Famed wrestler and long time Pinellas county resident “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan has filed a lawsuit against the Pinellas County Sheriffs Office for using the name of infamous WCW group “The Wolfpac” for their DUI task force. The Wolfpac was formed in 1998 by Kevin Nash, when the NWO…

This years’ Daytona 500 to be a one-shot Drag Race from Daytona to Tampa down I-4

By John Jacobs | January 11, 2019

Daytona Racetrack – Daytona – Friday, 1.11.2019 In an attempt to boost viewership, instead of the traditional 500 laps around the Daytona International Speedway, this years’ Daytona 500 will be a one-shot Drag Race from Daytona to Tampa down I-4. The stunt from NASCAR is being called “awesome” by local fans. “Instead of driving all…

Cross-Bay Ferry to provide new tubing and waterski options

By Josh Santos | January 10, 2019

Channelside – Downtown Tampa – Thursday, 1.10.2019 The popular “Instagram-worthy” Cross Bay Ferry announced today due to the overwhelming volume of patrons, new tubing and waterski options will be added. While it only cost $8 to board the 40-minute voyage that zips passengers across the bay, Cross Bay Ferry representative Devon McCrimmers assured me that…

Last Tampa Bay resident without realtors license finally gets one

By Clark Brooks | January 9, 2019

Tampa – Wednesday, 1.9.2019 Jeremy Blurgerson, the last person in the Tampa Bay region who was not licensed to sell real estate, is finally certified to do so. “I figured, why not? If nothing else I can make a little money on the side”, Blurgerson said, citing the same reasoning as 87% of other Tampa…